HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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