You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
