Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
