Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
