it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
