when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm both gender and math confused
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize