My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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