i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
