Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
