not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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