how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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