It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
