You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
