his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
