i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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