Pappa wants mamma naked
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize