i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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