If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As shirtless as possible
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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