I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I understand Curling. That high.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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