did i walk over a car last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
