thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
