I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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