I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
