I smell stomach acid.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
