Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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