she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
