now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
