I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she told me i tasted like america
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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