Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He has the fingertips of a God
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