i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
