who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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