Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
