she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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