I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
