If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
