hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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