dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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