how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
