Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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