i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
