The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
