Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize