The maid of honor just puked.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
