best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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