so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
