How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He did a backflip because drugs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
