I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
