Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
