so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
