C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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