It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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