see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
