dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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