I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Blood and glitter go together right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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