and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
