thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
