btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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