happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
