wrigley field is MILF paradise
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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